


Red Velvet

by Sj_sucks



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, alot of crying built up emotion, but in a non-traditional way, mrs coleman is the mother we've all wanted to have, this is a repost!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 12:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17939537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sj_sucks/pseuds/Sj_sucks
Summary: After returning from Cape Cod, Eiji has a hard time finding peace in his everyday life. prompting a visit to his old apartmentotherwise known as the Ring AU or the 'eiji needs a hug because hes making me depressed'





	Red Velvet

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost!! I need to -sadly- delete my other acc because it links back to my actual life and since I want to post more than just this one shot I needed to completely delete it and start again on here!
> 
> this fic was beta'd by two of my favorite people  
> 1.) https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedlupin/pseuds/wickedlupin ( Sabrina and @wickedlupin on twitter)  
> 2.) https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramel_Roze/pseuds/Caramel_Roze (Quin and @ThirstyQuin98 on twitter)

Since coming home from Cape Cod, things had been different for Eiji. The darkness he felt consistently around him had disappeared, only to be replaced by a feeling of longing that was pulling at his soul every moment of the day. 

Every time he reminisced about the happy memories he shared with Ash, the soft touches and warm laughs, it was easy for Eiji to remember them as just boys who were the most beloved in each other's lives. Their shared jokes and memories were enough to keep them just boys. 

But now all the memories he had weren't enough to satisfy the want that he felt. Eiji had started looking over all the precious moments he had shared with Ash on film. In the early hours of the day, Eiji would view the photos of Ash sleeping or hazily waking up and smiling over at him. If he looked hard enough, maybe he would be able to close his eyes, and for a moment imagine Ash lying next to him, slowly waking up to face the day together. At night, Eiji would switch which pictures he would hold close to him as he fell asleep. He wanted to be consumed by Ash's lingering existence and comforted through the night. However, this was a new feeling. Eiji no longer wanted to hide away in the visage of Ash; he instead wanted the comfort of his presence to surround him. 

Every morning when he woke up, and once again before he went to sleep, he wanted his existence to be wrapped up by Ash’s memory. Just looking at pictures of their time together wasn't enough for him- no matter how long he stared into the photos, he still needed more. There was never enough of them smiling, not enough of Ash being content and happy. Eiji scolded himself-- if only he had taken more. Taken more when he had the chance to make him smile. Now no matter how often or for how long he looked, it no longer satisfied his want to be encapsulated in Ash’s life. 

So, he began to wear one of Ash's shirts when he slept. It had been a few years since the last time he had done this, but somehow it felt right. The white cotton had faded to a light beige, threatening to tear if Eiji were ever too rough putting it on. The shirt felt warm every time he put it on, as if when Eiji was wearing it he could finally breathe again. Grabbing a fistful of the now hardly white fabric, Eiji took a shallow breath and began to cry. His paranoia about ruining the shirt that once belonged to Ash was finally true as a seam busted in the collar. Eiji made a promise to himself to stop wearing that shirt to prevent further damage. 

Eiji knew where he would be able to find more comfort-- in his and Ash’s 7th Ave Apartment. He hadn’t dared to set foot there in over four years due to the remnants of Ash’s life that remained around every corner. Eiji wasn’t eager to go back to there, he knew what was waiting for him. His home, devoid of the person who truly made it a home. But he needed new shirts, this was how he would have to rationalize going back. Eiji tried telling himself that he wouldn’t linger long enough to notice Ash’s personal items strewn lazily around the apartment, or the fact that the shoes he wished to be in the entryway were neatly tucked away in the closet. He couldn’t think of that right now, all he needed to do was go grab some of Ash’s shirts, maybe a pair of sweat pants and then he’d be able to leave. He never had to look back again. Eiji didn’t want to feel trapped there, he was barely able to breathe last time he left. It felt as though His heart was shredding itself into small pieces-- it was slow and painful, and it made Eiji wish that he never had met Ash. He couldn’t take the feeling of their old home. It was nothing but an amalgamation of grief from when he tried to mourn the loss of his love, and the sickly-sweet feeling of home that would always stick to those walls. 

Returning to the building wasn’t a problem in theory. It was so familiar for the now long-haired man that he could've been blindfolded but somehow find his way back. But Eiji kept his eyes wide open, taking in every new feature of the street and building. He wanted to see everything. If it truly was his last time returning here, he needed to remember everything from the new ferns to the now obvious pothole outside of the recently modernized building. Eiji wasn’t quite so sure of the new elegant and cold feeling that washed over him as he walked into the lobby. The fluorescent lights seemed too harsh for a place that was supposed to greet people home. He would never have chosen to have his home look like this. He and Ash had agreed on the warm lights for their apartment- Eiji couldn’t think of him right now. He felt the bitterness claw deep in his heart. He didn’t have long to stew in his thoughts before he heard his name being called by a familiar voice. 

“Oh, Eiji! Is that you? I haven't seen you in ages!” 

It was Mrs. Coleman. Eiji didn’t want to deal with this now. All he wanted was to just get the clothes and leave, not have a heart to heart with Mrs. Coleman in the lobby. But nonetheless, Eiji forced a smile and turned to face the now aged Mrs. Coleman who was all but slack jawed looking at him. 

“Hello, Mrs. Coleman. It has been a long time, how have you been? I hope everything’s been well.” 

Eiji did mean that. He truly hoped that no shred of darkness had appeared in her life since he had left. She not only kept him company from time to time when he and Ash had lived there, but she had also taken care of him after he returned to New York in the wake of Ash’s passing. Leaving warm soup for him every other day, then once a week dragging Eiji to her apartment to have a real meal. But she had done something Eiji could never truly forgive. She once told him that she understood how he was feeling after Ash had passed, that she had felt the same after her own husband had passed 10 years prior. Eiji resented that statement. No one would ever know how he felt when Ash was taken from him- no- no one could comprehend how he felt. The longer the resentment sat in Eiji’s chest, the lighter it became, but he could never forget the first time she had said that to him, and how his vision had blurred with the rage he felt. Eiji knows that Mrs. Coleman was blissfully unaware of the turmoil that her words caused him, and in a way that made him feel even worse. She had lost someone close to her as well, so he should be able to relate to her on a base level, but Mrs. Coleman would never know what it was like for Eiji to get the news about Ash. She would never know how all encompassing the silence was after Max had ended the call with him. No one would never know the words that Eiji spoke, praying they’d fall on Ash’s ears. 

Eiji tried to get that thought out of his head, listening patiently as Mrs. Coleman caught him up on all the new building drama. Somehow, he managed to keep a warm smile on his face and even let out a small laugh when she commented on how much older he looked. It was clear for him to see the distaste she held for his new longer hair. He wondered how Ash would've liked it; he hoped he would. The composure of small talk was routine for Eiji, but what she said next wiped away any of the remaining façade of politeness from his face. 

“He loved you, you know. Christopher- Chris, he loved you.” She stammered a small amount in saying it. Eiji thought over the name Christopher, it had been a long time since he had heard anyone refer to Ash as his alias, Christopher Winston, but it seemed right in this situation. He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat trying to come up with a proper response. 

“I- thank you, I loved him too.” Eiji paused. “I still do- love him that is. I will always love him.” He flashed Mrs. Coleman a smile, and she reached out and gave his arm a tight squeeze. They stood like that for a moment, Eiji allowing the comforting touch of the older lady to seep into his body before he continued. 

“As- Chris was my other half, he gave me a reason to be my best self. Chris was supposed to be my everything, my protector, my forever.” Eiji took a shaky breath before looking into Mrs. Coleman’s eyes. “Chris ignited my world and everyone around him, it was his talent. I feel like after 7 years, I'm still on fire, but everyone else only has cinders of their fires left, while my world is ablaze with the memory of him, but no one else can even see the flames.” With this Eiji felt enveloped with memories of the blonde boy-- every time his vibrant green eyes met Eiji’s dark ones and softened, every time Ash would lean into small shows of affection, every joke that fell proudly off of Eiji’s tongue that got bounced back at him by Ash. He was snapped out of his mind by Mrs. Coleman speaking. 

“You may feel like you’re being swept away in his life, Eiji. His death is going to sneak up to you and consume you once again.” She paused a moment giving Eiji a moment to catch his breath. She was right, he knew that he couldn’t stop thinking of every aspect of Ash’s life and how he fit into it, and how Eiji knew that he would continue to find a way to be in his life, if only he had lived. If only Ash hadn’t died. 

“It’s normal Eiji, he was easily the love of your life. You’re allowed to be angry or feel upset about his early passing. It’s never easy losing the one you love but when it happens so early- I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry, Eiji, I know this can’t be pleasant to talk about, I just want you to know that I support you. Now, what do you say about coming over for dinner in a couple of hours? Will you stick around that long?”  
“Of course. Still at 6:30, yes?” Eiji responded eagerly. He owed her at least a final dinner, after all she’d done for him. He would be able to spend 3 and a half hours in the apartment for Mrs. Coleman’s sake, he’d figure it out. He had to figure it out, no matter what. 

They parted ways, Mrs. Coleman confirming the time for dinner, then shuffling off to the grocery store. Eiji let himself chuckle at her determined stride before he focused in on where he was and what he was going to be doing for the next couple of hours. He was going to walk into his and Ash’s apartment, he would have to see their bedroom, living room, their everything. Eiji felt his heart rate pick up as he stepped into the elevator. He had hardly ever taken the elevator alone, but every time he had, he had either worried over Ash’s life, or had nothing left to worry about, because his life was already over. As much as he hated worrying over Ash every moment of the day, Eiji had come to realize that it was so much worse to not have anything to worry over at all. Seeking support, he gripped the cool railing, the metal offering a sense of stability that he desperately needed. The numbers neared their floor Eiji felt his breath coming faster and shallower. 

_Come on, it’s just the apartment. You lived here for 3 years after, Eiji, get a grip. You can do this._

 

His pep talk ended the moment the elevator dinged, signaling his arrival to the floor. As the elevator came to a stop, Eiji gave one last squeeze on the rail before stepping out and heading to the door. Standing in front of their apartment, only kept out by a wooden door, it was impossible for Eiji not to think of the first time Ash had taken him here. 

_Ash stood in front of the door shuffling almost nervously. It appeared as though he was scared of Eiji’s disapproval. But at the same time, there was an undeniable energy in the boy's movements which showed clear pride and excitement to show off the new apartment. Ash’s smile was radiant as he pushed the keys into the door and ushered him in with a small  
“Welcome home, Eiji.”_

Shaking away the memory, he fished in his pocket for the keys, finding them without too much difficulty. Eiji unlocked the door and froze just as he was about to let himself in. His knuckles were white, and he could hear nothing but his rapid heartbeat in his ears. Was this worth it? Yes, it was. He was here for the clothes. He needed them to get him through the days. As he walked into the apartment, he became aware of the tears clouding his vision. As he turned to close the door behind him, tear tracks staining his cheeks. 

“ _Tadaima,_ ” Eiji mumbled. He couldn’t break their traditions now, it would feel wrong. It wasn’t often that he would come home to Ash, but when he did, Eiji had always made sure to proudly announce it. He was happy to have returned to his home. After the first few times, Ash had picked up on it, and began saying it to Eiji when he returned at the end of the day. He could almost smile thinking about Ash’s terrible pronunciation, almost. Taking in a shallow breath, Eiji let go of the door and turned to face the apartment that was now pitch black, curtains drawn and lamps off. 

Eiji frantically wiped the tears away from his eyes as he kicked off his shoes and walked further into the apartment, trying not to collapse over his shaking legs. The air felt stale, which wasn’t unexpected as it had been over 4 years since someone had set foot inside, undoubtedly longer since a window had been opened. But Eiji had to admit that there was a certain scent in the air that was so familiar; a smell that he could never get his new apartment to have, no matter how hard he tried. _That’s because this is your home, and that is just another apartment to you,_ he catches himself thinking. Sighing, he turned into the kitchen, and he couldn’t help but hold his breath as he did. 

Eiji knew that no matter how much he wanted there to be someone leaning against the countertop or even sitting on it, there was no chance of it. Still, as he flipped on the light, he could feel disappointment settle in his chest. He tried to chastise himself, _Ash is dead. He isn't coming back. He’s never coming back home._ Eiji’s face felt hot. It was possible he was still crying, but he couldn’t quite tell as his eyes landed on a small towel laying on the kitchen counter. It had probably been tossed there haphazardly by Ash when he deemed his hair dry enough to no longer need it. Eiji is sure he had probably scolded him for it, but he could no longer fathom why. He would give anything to have Ash leave little traces of his life everywhere again. He would take all the teasing, and he’d put up with all the inevitable house work that came with loving someone like Ash. Eiji would give anything to have Ash back. Anything. 

Without realizing what he was doing, he had walked over to the counter and was tenderly picking up the towel and holding it against his heart, clutching it as if it were Ash himself. The truth was that Eiji never wanted to let go of Ash, not once from the moment they met, until this very moment and beyond. If Ash ever came back to him, he would never leave him. Eiji would never let him go. He would wish to be physically connected to him at all times. He would ensure he would never have to say goodbye again. Feeling the fabric against his skin, Eiji was reminded of why he came back to the apartment. Taking a moment to collect himself, Eiji gave the towel a final squeeze, and then gingerly placed it back on the counter. 

Venturing toward the bedrooms, Eiji was drawn into the living room. He admired the books lazily strewn around, and the pair of wire frame glasses sitting next to them. Eiji remembers all the times he would tease Ash about his glasses, but what a hypocrite he was. He had always needed glasses, but never started wearing them until he was able to get an old pair of Ash’s re-lensed with his own prescription. It had made him feel close to him in the years he had been alone, and they had melded into his self-identity; he couldn’t see not having them anymore. If he no longer had them, part of Eiji’s life would go with them. Eiji took one more glance around the room before flipping on a lamp that quickly enveloped the room in a warm, comforting light. Seeing everything lit up pulled at his heart. Eiji could easily lie to himself, and picture that it was all those years ago, and he was just waiting for Ash to return. He learned fairly quickly that picturing Ash as alive only caused pain, so he refused to humor those thoughts anymore. 

Eiji lingered in front of one of the guest bedrooms, where he had stayed after he returning to New York. He had refused to stay in his and Ash’s room, but the sick feeling that was now overwhelming him made him wished he had. Peering in, he could clearly see books thrown around, pages upon pages of writing crumpled and littered all over the floor. Eiji never could get his thoughts out correctly after Ash died. And as he looked closer, Eiji spotted it: carefully placed on the bed, Ash’s turtleneck and jacket. The one he had worn when he died, when he was murdered. Eiji thought back to the years he spent here, and pitied his old self. He pitied the Eiji who locked himself in one room in a large apartment, and just stared at the clothes his lover died in. He lost himself by mourning like that. But he knew there was no other option. The only thing he had the strength to do was sleep and think about every choice he had made. One thing he used to not be able to stand was the shoes in the entry hall. They weren't Eiji’s, but they didn’t belong to Ash either. The red Converse were tucked into a box in one of the closets, because he couldn’t take looking at them in the doorway. They mocked him. How could his shoes be here without him? He couldn’t take looking, he couldn’t help his eyes being drawn to them. 

Eiji hated the color red. 

Noticing how his body felt tense and his face had grown stern, Eiji took one more look into the bedroom, and shut the door with a defining _click_. He was still unsure about what he wanted to feel returning here, because as he looked over the apartment, he was filled with so many emotions, many contradictory. He could hardly keep any of them straight anymore. All he knew was that he was feeling so much all at once. Eiji knew he needed to focus on the task at hand, but it was so easy for his thoughts to wander, all he knew was that he had to go into their bedroom, which he had refused to do since he had returned to America. He had to go into their bedroom and go through Ash’s things. The thought of it made Eiji’s skin crawl. He was disturbing Ash’s life and how he liked to keep things. Eiji couldn’t help but feel what he was doing was an invasion of Ash’s privacy.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Ash. I know I’m about to go take some of your things.” Eiji’s throat was tight, and he was fighting with the urge to sob. “Ash, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I need you this much. I’m sorry I can’t let you rest. Ash, please forgive me, I just can’t sleep without being surrounded by you anymore.” With that, Eiji walked into their bedroom, the first thing he noticed was how Ash’s light was still on. 

“Ash-” Eiji wasn’t fighting with the tears anymore, he was letting them fall rapidly. Seeing the still slept in sheets of their beds and remembering all of their late-night conversations, Eiji couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. His breath came hard and fast, and he stumbled toward Ash’s bed, falling onto his knees next to it and grasping the sheets, shaking as he sobbed into the mattress. 

“Why did you leave me! You said you wouldn’t ask for forever from me, but I gave it to you. But where are you, Ash? Our forever isn’t over Ash. Please. Why didn’t you stay?” Eiji was in hysterics by the time he finished, hyperventilating as a crashing weight settled over him.

_Ash Lynx is dead. Aslan Callenreese is dead. Christopher Winston is dead. Eiji’s soulmate is dead._

“I love you, you know? You were always so smart, but did you see how I felt about you? Ash? Did you even know how much you meant to me? I was willing to leave everything and everyone for you, I never would have regretted it. Ash, I never will regret loving you. But sometimes it's hard.” Eiji knew it was impossible to understand him, he hardly knew if he was speaking English or Japanese at this point. “When I get a call from Max, and I hear you-” Eiji couldn’t say it, “-you know what I heard, Ash. I heard you were gone. I heard it was long and painful, that you had the choice to get help. Ash I hope those things weren't true, I hope they got it wrong.” Eiji was blubbering between shaky gasps for air 

“Ash, I'm sorry I'm so sad, I just wanted a forever with you, and you took it upon yourself to decide that I would be better off without you. I’m never better off without you, Ash. I don’t lie Ash. I mean my forever.”

Eiji had became aware of the fact that he was sobbing into Ash’s bed, screaming at ghosts to hear him. He hated that he would never know if Ash could hear him. He prayed every day to him, but it was impossible to tell if he was getting through. He just wanted Ash to hear him. 

After a few minutes of gathering himself, Eiji was able to stand, even with his legs shaking and threatening to give out. 

“I’m sorry, Ash, I have to get what I came for now.” Eiji apologized with a slight wince, his throat raw from crying and screaming. 

Ash had always been somewhat secretive of his drawers, and banned Eiji from ever looking in them, even just to put his clothes away. Eiji assumed it was either something to do with his past, or it was just because he hid a gun in there. Nonetheless, he never pressed him on the matter. That’s why Eiji felt so utterly wrong when he slowly slid open the top drawer and started removing shirts. Recognizing and reliving memories with every shirt, he suddenly felt a wave of intense guilt as he saw a gun sitting in the bottom of the drawer, knowing that that must have been what Ash didn’t want him to see. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled again as he pulled out the last one in the small drawer; a black long-sleeved shirt that was tightly folded. But to Eiji’s confusion, there was something that had been folded into the shirt. He unwrapped it as carefully as he possibly could, fearing it to be some kind of weapon that he couldn’t even fathom. 

But what he unwrapped was a velvet box. It was a deep red and it felt prickly against his fingers that were now violently shaking. It just couldn’t be what it looked like. Eiji tried to rationalize what it could be. He struggled with what he wanted to do with the small box. Part of him wanted to toss it back into the drawer and run away, never to look back. But Eiji knew he had to see what was inside. 

“Ash, please tell me this isn’t-” Eiji began, but his answer is given as soon as he opened the box and was greeted by a miraculously shiny golden ring with a small word inscribed on the inside, barely visible inside the box. Oh so carefully, Eiji willed his trembling fingers to work together long enough to pull the ring out. When he saw it, he fell to the ground, gasping for air. 

**_Forever_ **

Eiji’s voice was lost as he knelt over the small box, clutching the ring in his hand. This was for him, Ash had gotten it for him. This was Ash’s forever to Eiji. For the first time in 7 years he felt an overwhelming rush of happiness and contentment wash over his body. And despite the tears rushing down his face, Eiji was beaming.

“Ash, of course, forever.” 

_Forever._

The word echoed around Eiji’s head as he slid the ring onto his finger, feeling a strange sense of pride slowly spread through his body. This was the final piece. He finally felt engulfed by Ash’s love and promise. Eiji grabbed the ring box, not once taking his eyes off the newfound jewelry, and he willed himself over to Ash’s bed, still hesitating but eventually crawling under the covers and rolling onto his side. Absentmindedly, he spun the ring on his finger and reminisced on all the moments that he and Ash had shared. Looking at this and thinking of their life was enough. It satiated Eiji’s lonely soul. 

Eiji lay in his bed for the remaining 3 hours before he had to go to dinner with Mrs. Coleman, thinking of his past with Ash, and smiling thoroughly even if he was thinking of some of their worse times together. He even brought himself to laugh, picturing what their wedding would have looked like. He wondered if Shorter would have kept the mohawk as best man, and if Ash would have cried when reciting their vows. Eiji knew that he would have. 

He felt comforted. Eiji and Ash were each others’ forever, and no matter how long it took them to reunite, they would, and it could resume as if no time had passed, and they had never parted. Laying in Ash’s bed, Eiji was aware of the fact that there would always be moments that would be excruciating without Ash by his side. But no matter how broken he was, Ash would be with him. Eiji slowly sat up, wanting to say a few more things to Ash before he left the apartment again. 

“Ash- is this why you were so secretive? You wouldn’t have had to be, I would've said yes to you Ash.” This was the truth. Eiji knew he could never say no to Ash; not then, and definitely not now. 

“Ash, I have to leave now, but this isn’t goodbye, okay? I’ll come back here. I’ll always come back for you. But god, do I miss you, Ash. I miss you so much.” Eiji slowly got up and gathered the shirts he took out earlier, even opening the bottom drawer and grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants. With one more look over the room, Eiji felt a lump form in his throat, and a smile spread across his face. 

Eiji didn’t understand why he felt so heartbroken leaving their home, but with each step closer to the door, he felt more sadness wrap around him. The wound of leaving felt fresh, and the hurt was palpable. Eiji clenched his fists and walked the last few steps toward the front door, slipping on his shoes but hesitating before stepping out of the door. 

“I’ll be back sooner next time Ash, I won’t hide anymore,” Eiji promised under his breath as he shut the apartment door behind him. Taking a deep breath in, and swallowing around the lump in his throat, he started to walk back to the elevators and to Mrs. Coleman’s apartment. 

Eiji stood in front of the door and quietly tapped on it, straightening his glasses as he heard her movement from inside. Within 10 seconds she swung the door open. 

“Eiji, you’re early!” she exclaimed, wide smile on her face. It was if she could sense that something in Eiji had changed. Eiji held up his left hand for her to examine “I thought, as an honorary housewife, I should come over early and help you finish up dinner.” Eiji couldn’t help but chuckle as she reached over to grab at his hand, clearly gawking at the ring. 

“See- I told you he loved you” she joked. For the first time in 7 years, Eiji found talking with someone enjoyable, and almost fun. This was an improvement. Ash would be proud of him, Eiji was sure of it. With that thought, Eiji smiled brightly as he walked into Mrs. Coleman’s house.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I've been thinking of this AU for such a long time it feels good to finally release it into the world lol. This is my first fic so im sorry for any errors I really tried to make it good but I genuinely am so not used to writing. (and ik my poor betas did so much work to help im ;-;) anyways catch me on twitter doing fanart over at @sbananafish


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